


The soul of a demon

by Coryphion



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Betrayal, Disappointment, Gen, POV Mazikeen (Lucifer TV), Post season 5a finale, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26566579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coryphion/pseuds/Coryphion
Summary: Mazikeen wakes up quickly, passing from unconsciousness to being fully alert in a second. She realizes immediately that time must still be in a standstill – the precinct is too quiet, without the usual buzz of humans’ voices. The fight between brothers must have ended. And something is different. She feels around something… overwhelming, for the lack of better word.She turns, wincing at her bruised ribs, and kneels to look around.And she looks straight into His eyes.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 62





	The soul of a demon

Mazikeen wakes up quickly, passing from unconsciousness to being fully alert in a second. She realizes immediately that time must still be in a standstill – the precinct is too quiet, without the usual buzz of humans’ voices. The fight between brothers must have ended. And something is different. She feels around something… overwhelming, for the lack of better word.

She turns, wincing at her bruised ribs, and kneels to look around.

And she looks straight into His eyes.

She has never seen Him before, and Lucifer never cared to describe Him, but she knows immediately who is leaning over her. Her demonic nature is torn between repulsion and awe. Whatever longing she may feel, is futile, because the One in front of her is the Giver of grace unfit for demons.

It hurts.

„The bravest daughter of Lilith,” He says with a smile. „I am sorry. My son deceived you.”

„I know,” she replays, hating herself for speaking so dimly as if she was an intimidated girl. „But that’s fine,” she adds quickly because the instinct to protect Lucifer would be always her deepest compulsion. Even if he has just kicked her ass, and even if she is still angry at him, it is between two of them and Lucifer’s Father has nothing to do with it.

„He cannot give you a soul,” says God with the same gentleness and Mazikeen realizes he was speaking about Michael.

* * *

Feeling a bit more broken than a moment before, Mazikeen looks around.

Yes, the time is still stopped. The shards from the pane she crushed are floating in the air, like the shiny snowflakes. All the humans are frozen mid-movement. There is no sound in the air, except the distant noise of the city and whispers of Lucifer and Decker. They are standing aside, in close embrace, not paying attention to anything except each other.

Mazikeen cannot hear, what they are talking about, but it must be something if they ignore God for this conversation.

Which brings her back to the Presence in front of her. It would be hard to call Him a man. He is Grace, and knowledge, power and light… everything that Mazikeen is not. Mazikeen, that lost again. Made another desperate attempt, wagered her fate once more – only to remain bare-handed again.

“That’s fine,” she replies again. “I don’t want the soul anymore.” She does not try to protect Michael. She simply… She is not the one to pine after something she cannot have.

Mazikeen looks around again, but Michael is nowhere in view. Seems that she is alone and it is time for the consequences. The demoness casts another quick glance toward Lucifer. He does not appear to be bent on punishing her at the moment, locked in some happy bubble with his Miracle. His hands are resting on the small of her back, and their foreheads are touching, and they are looking in each other’s eyes – and it is sickening, really.

Something in Mazikeen twists with envy, that such close connection with another being is possible. And why Decker is not frozen, like the other humans? Some things must have happened here when Mazikeen was unconscious. There is no Michael, no Amenadiel, and Lucifer is calmly standing a few yards from his Father, instead of searching for the nearest flaming sword. Somehow, they all must have solved their issues, this way or another, leaving her for the end.

After all, she is just a demon.

Not that it is her story, not anymore. Even if Lucifer is not interested in revenge, Mazikeen does not think that, once God lowered himself to the earthly plane, He would allow such abomination like the Lilim to wander among humans. Probably He would send her to Hell. Or perhaps even wipe her out from existence. The first option would be better, but she is not going to beg.

The only thing – she would prefer to stand up. Mazikeen would not go out on her knees. Wincing – damn Lucifer and his angelic strength – she clambers on her feet. God does nothing to stop her.

“I can heal you,” He proposes, when she grunts painfully.

“I don’t need healing,” she replies through clenched teeth.

She does not need the soul. She does not need help. All she wishes, is this scene to end because the Presence in front of her – it is too much. Too much of what she would never be, even a bit.

There is a reason, why the demons do not speak with God.

She stands up, straightened, and waits. Lucifer finally looks in her direction and for a moment it seems as if he wanted to say something – but then he shifts back. Whatever happens, he is not going to intervene. Somehow, that’s the most painful blow she received from him today.

God looks at her with the same, calm and gentle expression, that she begins to find a little unnerving.

“You already have a soul, Mazikeen,” he says.

* * *

For a moment, Mazikeen feels as if the time stopped also for her. Did God say that…

“You have a soul,” he repeats patiently because of course, He is patient. “Not because someone gave it to you, but because you have earned it. You experienced feelings, Mazikeen of Lilim. You have bonded. You were a friend, a lover, a protector. You have also made many mistakes and lost many chances, and this all changed you so much. That’s the soul.”

Mazikeen blinks, looking at the Creator mistrustfully. “But… it is a… metaphor of soul, like ‘you have changed and can feel emotions’, or is it…”

“It is the immortal soul, Mazikeen, daughter of Lilith,” nods God. “Like the one your mother had. Or like souls that humans have. When you die, your soul will continue existence in the afterlife. And if you ascend to Heaven, you will meet your mother. She is there. You will have a chance to make amends.”

“I don’t need to meet her,” replies Mazikeen automatically, but without usual fierceness. She feels too stunned.

“You need to adjust. Take your time, Mazikeen.” He smiles to her and raises His hand in the gesture of blessing, but Mazikeen does not feel blessed.

She feels confused and somehow empty. She thought that… having a soul would change something in her. Make things easier.

She does not feel changed. Living still hurts.

God turns and looks at the shards of glass floating in the air. They start to move, falling back in place and in a few seconds, the pane is whole again, no crack at the shiny surface. The upturned furniture returns to its place and whatever was broken, repairs. Finally, God exchanges very cautious nod with Lucifer, smiles to Chloe and disappears.

In the very same second, the precinct returns to life.

Humans resume their activities and continue conversations, unaware what took place in their little corner of the universe. Three Angels battled with a ferocity that forced the Creator to descend from Heaven and stop them. Then God made some kind of arrangement with His wayward son. The Devil reconciled with his beloved.

And a demon learnt, she had a soul.

 _Linda would be proud of me,_ passes through Mazikeen’s mind and for the first time, she starts to smile. And Linda is here. Mazikeen was not happy to see her and Charlie at the precinct. Mazikeen had no problems with fighting against Amenadiel, but fighting against Amenadiel with Linda present was a different game. 

The demoness runs to the corridor, where she saw them last and gasps with relief. Linda is fine, keeping Charlie in her arms. And Amenadiel is here too, talking to her.

Mazikeen smiles, stepping closer.

Amenadiel, with a sudden move, steps in front of her, blocking her way. Mazikeen blinks with surprise. True, they fought, but it was not the first time, and she would never hurt, neither Linda, not the kid.

Only that… now she realized that Michael apparently must have messed something with Charlie.

And she came here with Michael.

“I… I don’t…” stutters Mazikeen, raising her hands. “I am sorry,” she says honestly.

Linda, surprised by Amenadiel’s gesture, slowly shifts her sight between the Angel and Maze. It is obvious, she does not know what happened. Still, she holds the child a bit tighter.

After a moment of consideration Amenadiel nods, reluctantly stepping back. Mazikeen greets Linda and the child, making sure they are fine. However, the doctor remains wary. She keeps sending looking at Amenadiel, and the angel is tensed, like in the presence of danger.

Mazikeen is this danger.

The doctor does not ask about anything yet, but sooner or later, she would demand explanation and Amenadiel would tell her.

Linda used to understand so much, She understood that anger, that burns in Mazikeen all the time, and her awkward loneliness, and the way she somehow always ends hurting people she cares about. She can see behind Maze’s fits of rage and her desperate betrayals and find that part of her that is soft, vulnerable and searching.

Yes, Linda understands a lot.

But everyone has some limits, and Linda’s limits are around her son’s safety. She would never understand Mazikeen taking part anything, that could endanger Charlie.

Mazikeed excuses herself, awkwardly saying goodbye and Linda does not prolong the conversation, letting Amenadiel lead her and the child outside.

The little family apparently has a lot to discuss.

The little family that Mazikeen does not belong to.

* * *

“Hey, Maze! Wait a moment!” Chloe Decker, breathless and blushed, runs toward her. “Maze, Michael is fine.”

“What?” asks Mazikeen with distraction, because why should she care. She measures the detective with scrutinizing glance.

Decker is… shining. Her eyes are full of light, she keeps smiling and even her hair has more golden polish than usual. Apparently, the most mawkish love story of the Los Angeles got a happy ending.

“Maze, I don’t know what happened before they woke me from this… time stop, and there must have been some kind of… of a row, but I saw him at the end. He is safe and sound and God ordered him to stay on Earth for the time being,” she concludes, looking at Mazikeen with knowing smile.

“So?” the demoness shrugs her shoulders. The amount of happiness beaming from Decker is hard to bear, but somehow Mazikeen warms up a little. Let these two lovey-doves have it. They earnt it hard, after all.

Perhaps Mazikeen indeed has a soul, because some part of her enjoys, and it is unheard of, that the demon would find joy in the happiness of others.

“So?...” Decker opens her blue eyes a bit wider. “It is, apparently, some kind of penance for him, but it is better than if he to return to Heaven, right? You will have your chance.”

“What?” Mazikeen squints her eyes in disbelief.

Decker frowns. “Look, I am not his fan, apparently. He did kidnap me, and locked in some dirty empty cave,” she says angrily, but she is too happy and the grudge cannot hold long in her voice. Soon the harsh edge gives place to the smile again. “But you would be able to keep him in check. You two are a thing, right?” the detective makes the awkward gesture with her hands that should illustrate ‘a thing’.

Mazikeen snorts. “Of course not. I do not give a damn for this crooked bastard. For me, he can rot. In Hell, in Heaven, whatever. I do not care.”

Decker, ripped out of her ‘I am in love and I love the whole world’ mood, blinks. There is a caution in her voice, similar to the one that was in Linda’s eyes. “You do not? So why… why where you helping him today? Knowing what he did… to me? I thought that… And why where you making out with him, on that day I saw you?” the detective asks surprisingly soberly.

Mazikeen recalls that day and wonders, which answer would be… less unacceptable: ‘I did it to hurt you because you turned me down’ or ‘I did it because he looked enough like Lucifer’.

Probably neither.

Yes, she must have a soul, if she considers, how her word can hurt Chloe. However, she finds no proper reply, only shakes her head.

“Maze, what are you doing?” asked Decker, somehow sadly. “One day you are a friend and then…” her voice shivers. “I could understand that you helped Michael because you… cared for him. But now, it looks like you only wanted to hurt us.”

“No,” Mazikeen violently shakes her head. “You do not understand. It is because of something Lucifer hid from me…”

She stops abruptly.

 _‘How did you know?...’_ asked Lucifer during the fight, when she revealed she knew about Lilith. He might have been distracted at the moment, but he would certainly return to this later. Sly bastard never lets such details slip.

He would recall the story he told Trixie and… He would learn what she did.

He won’t be happy. Decker won’t be happy even more.

Probably, they will forbid her to see the kid again.

Something terribly painful pierces Mazikeen chest and clenches her throat.

“That doesn’t matter,” he snaps at Decker, who still waits for her answer. “I did what I wanted to. I do not need to explain myself.”

Decker frowns, but she spent too much time with Mazikeen to get easily spooked with her harshness. She gently touches her shoulder. “Mazie, what is it?...”

Before the demoness manages to reply, the small corridor gets crowded with an overbearing presence of the devil. Or perhaps, the former devil. Whatever.

“Ah, here you are! Do not fondle her, Detective, she kicked half of the soul out of me! And she kicked also other parts of my anatomy you might fight useful,” he exclaims, all jokes and laughter. “Speaking of souls, Mazikeen – I heard what my Father said. Only you could change the rules of universe. Congratulations, I am glad you got what you was seeking.”

Wonderful. Another one who loves the whole world, even that part of it that tried to murder him a few minutes ago. Nauseating, but… perhaps Maze would use his good mood and mend the things between them. Somehow, the whole Lilith secret does not seem so important anymore. At the moment, she would rather need someone to talk to. Someone who knows her and understands.

“Lucifer, I…” she starts awkwardly. “I am sorry.”

An officer from the precinct calls Decker and she leaves them to attend to something. Lucifer looks behind her, for a moment absolutely distracted, oblivious to everything, that is not the detective.

“I am sorry!” Mazikeen says louder. “About Michael.”

Lucifer looks at her with surprise. “Oh. That. Don’t worry, Maze, I have gotten used to your betrayals. Actually, I would find it strange if you didn’t offer your services to each new adversary of mine,” he snorts, apparently amused, as if he has just said something very funny.

How does he always manage to say so lightly, without noticing, something that hurts her to the bone?

Mazikeen’s loyalty to the King was legendary in Hell. Through millennia.

It took no more than a few years on Earth to… rob her of it.

“I made mistake,” she tries again.

“That’s fine. No harsh feelings,” replied Lucifer, immediately and obliviously.

Mazikeen nods, feeling bitter, but on the other side, what did she expect? Their paths separated long ago. He is not her king anymore. As the matter of fact, she doesn’t know at all who he is now. The one woman man? The prodigal son, who returned? All this is strange to her. She would like to ask, how the conversation with his Father went, but somehow she fears she has no right.

“Cool,” she says only, and turns to enter the precinct hall.

Lucifer shifts, not as ostensibly as Amenadiel, but it is obvious he is put on alert. ‘No harsh feelings’, but he perceives her as a threat and doesn’t even try to hide it, looking at her, with the eyebrow raised in silent question.

Right. She needs to explain herself if she wants to get close to his humans.

“I just need to find my knives,” she grunts. “Then I am gone.”

“I have the knives,” replies Lucifer, suddenly serious. “I am not giving them back to you.”

“They are mine!” hisses Mazikeen, for a moment seeing red, like a good, soulless demon.

“Debatable,” Lucifer shrugs his shoulders. “They were made for you, to protect me, so. But that’s not the point. You have crossed the line. I do not mind you throwing them at me. I guess it is part of our usual banter. However, you let Michael throw a knife at human. Defenceless outsider. So, I do not think you should have them,” he decides, still a king after all.

 _‘I didn’t know what he was going to do’_ , Mazikeen wants to reply, but didn’t she really? Did she care? Soul or not, she was still a demon, after all. She loved to fight. She used to lose herself in violence.

Besides, she has apologized enough today.

“Whatever,” she replies, raising her chin, “I do not need them.”

With that, she marches out.

And when she goes, there is one thought, that keeps gnawing her, like an arrowhead stuck in muscle: if she already had a soul, does it mean that there was nothing else to blame, but herself?

It turns out that there is no difference, with the soul or without it, she still keeps on destroying everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Readers, it a small one-shot, dedicated to everyone who, just like Maze, or just like me, from time to time, despite best intentions, destroy something they hold dear. Who unintentionally hurt people they love. Just because.
> 
> I love Maze. For me, she is the most interesting, the best-written character in the show. I love how she keeps struggling, despite so many disasters. However, I didn't like her in the 5th season so far. I think she crossed the line, using Trixie. I hope she will make up for it in the second part of the season.


End file.
